You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
