I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
