you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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