she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Text me some of your sweat
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