Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
