I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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