; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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