Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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