Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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