I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
