I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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