come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
