guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize