ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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