if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
