Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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