she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
