um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
