what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
