I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
