Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's the barista slut.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
