Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
