so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
