If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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