I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
