Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
