i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
