I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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