holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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