I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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