so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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