yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
