Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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