ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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