i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
