grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
