Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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