my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
