Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
