CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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