Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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