I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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