we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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