I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
