I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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