What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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