Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
