I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
