The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
