Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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