she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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