You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
