Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
