Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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