I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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