he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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