The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
